Loneliness

Loneliness, I have never in my life felt loneliness like this before. I have never had so much alone time - all by myself time - so consistently before. I didn't sign up for this, yet this is where my life has taken me at this moment in time.

Please don't get me wrong, I have many friends in my new home town. It is a quaint, beautiful small Northern California town, prolific with rolling vineyards and cherry orchards. It is peaceful and friendly. It is full of great friends and places to go. I dreamed many times of living in a town like this, but I had my family and I had my old friends in my dream.

Two years ago, I left behind the area in which I had lived all of my life. I quit a great job and followed the man of my dreams, my husband, to the job of his dreams in Northern California. It was scary, but we had each other and our dogs. Now, two years later, I find myself in a situation that is beyond my control and throwing me into a "season" that has become very difficult. I still have one of my dogs (Sherman passed away a few months ago) and my husband, whom I love with all my heart. But, his dream job has taken him away several days every week with his crew, and so here I am.

This sounds so juvenile if one reads it without knowing everything. In the midst of this time, I have been dealing with another issue that plagues me more than it should. Being alone shouldn't unnerve a person like it has done to me. In fact, I know women who love being alone. But, there's more ... there's always more ... than meets the eye.

God is in the midst of this. He has graciously spoken to me each day. He professes His unconditional love for me, chides me gently when I need it, and reminds me that nothing is greater and more satisfying that my relationship with Him. He continually repeats that flesh will fail me every time, but His love is perfect and everlasting. He is right, yet I still battle with the loneliness.

I have a long way to go. The Lord is always faithful, though. I know He is here and He has not left my side. I know He is aching for me to let the loneliness go and desire only Him. That is what I want. That is what I strive for. Oh, that He would snap His fingers and change my heart. But, He is using this time to put me through the refiners fire, clean out the impurities, scrape off the dross to find His reflection in me.

Still the loneliness ...


My Precious Daughter,

I love you. I always love you. Do not put your trust,  your hope, your dreams into the flesh, loved one. Even your dear friends cannot fulfill My role in your life.

I know you are confused about your purpose, your current circumstances, a job, a ministry. I know you are down-trodden and feel abandoned - even by Me. But, that is not the case. I am here. In fact, I have every answer to every question. Dear one, if you do not ask - if you do not seek My face daily - how will you hear My voice? How will I be able to answer you?

Your prayers do not go unheeded. Your heart's cry does not get muffled in My kingdom. Every tear you shed is collected. Every prayer you pray is saved. Beloved, you come to Me in your convenience, But I am availiable at all hours. You  heed the voice of the enemy and your flesh, yet you fail to give it all to Me. You fail to seek My guidance, My answers, My peace.

Beloved daughter, you must learn to seek My face, listen for My voice in everything. The thoughts, the angst, the brokeness you experience - all must be laid on My alter. You cannot expect things to change in your life if you are not submitting everything -  all of it - to Me.

Precious child, I am for you. If I am for you, then what can possibly come against you of consequence. Take all of it  - ALL OF IT - and bring it to Me. In the night, during the day - even now. Let it go! I can handle all of this. My Word says "My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I have not forsaken you, precious one, but I am a gentleman and I do not intrude where I am not asked. I am yearning for you to call on Me - but I will not barge in if I am not invited. I want you to depend on Me in every moment. I give you each breath, return each one to Me. I give you each day, lay each day at My feet. I gave you life, place your life in My hands. I will never let you down, I will never fail you.

Now, beloved, grab My  hand and let's run through this time of anguish. Hold fast to My promises and we can sail together on peaceful seas. Put your faith in My promises and watch your joy grow to overflowing. Throw away your old ideas strategies and habits and let Me create a new and better life in you.

Don't let this decaying and dying world have its way with you. Don't let fallible, unrighteous flesh consume your soul. Come away with Me and find peace and victory, beloved. Shake off your worry, pain and distrust and place your hope in Me. For all is well in My presence, and there you will find your rest.

I love you.


Rom. 8:31 - What then shall we say to these things? If God [is] for us, who [can be] against us?

Matt. 11:30 - "For My yoke [is] easy and My burden is light."